{"id":66991,"date":"2025-10-16T14:56:09","date_gmt":"2025-10-16T21:56:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thegoodtrade.com\/?p=66991"},"modified":"2025-10-16T14:56:10","modified_gmt":"2025-10-16T21:56:10","slug":"how-to-unlearn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thegoodtrade.com\/features\/how-to-unlearn\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Ready To Unlearn An Old Belief? Here&#8217;s How"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>I remember sitting in a class with a seasoned professor and practicing psychoanalyst in a course on the post-Freudians \u2014 those who, after Freud, took up the project of psychoanalysis, translating it into new terms and expanding it into new territory. My professor might even be counted among them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He\u2019s what you imagine an Upper West Side analyst might look like: Always dressed in a suit, except for directly following his traditional August break, when he showed up for the first few classes in a short-sleeve shirt that displayed his tan, earned on a Greek island (or so the story went). In his lessons, he rarely strayed from the text. Every Monday night was a close reading, often word by word, of the assigned material for that week. He\u2019d disambiguate the text carefully, with reference to the historical moment, the author\u2019s library, and their personal history. Only every so often would he share his own clinical experience, so it was always memorable when he did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One day, he said something confounding. Something to the effect of: \u201cMost patients, if the treatment has been successful, remember almost nothing of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">&#8220;Most patients, if the treatment has been successful, remember almost nothing of it.&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>There I was, carefully taking notes on each word of the lecture \u2014 interested both in the theory and how it would apply to my work in the future with patients \u2014 and my professor was emphasizing the importance of <em>forgetting<\/em>? My mind flashed to my own analysis, which I attended four times a week. I often found myself wondering about the moments after a session, when, immediately upon walking out of the office, I would start to piece back together what had happened. <em>What was it exactly that my analyst said again<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As I continued my studies and my analysis, I realized how common this is \u2014 and that it was actually a defense. A defense against the decomposition of certain beliefs and behaviors that the analysis was after. What was a treatment like this after all, besides unlearning one way to be in the world in order to take up another? To put it in a simple sentence like that inevitably idealizes it. The years-long process of psychoanalysis is hard work \u2014 and it\u2019s frustrating by necessity. But ultimately, I\u2019ve found that what my professor said is true. In the best cases, all of the hard work of analysis leads you to a place where you can blissfully forget the conflicts that preoccupied you session after session, sometimes even for years on end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">&#8220;In the best cases, all of the hard work of analysis leads you to a place where you can blissfully forget the conflicts that preoccupied you session after session, sometimes even for years on end.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-do-our-beliefs-get-cemented\">How do our beliefs get cemented?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>We spend the early years of our lives learning beliefs and behaviors that allow us to navigate the world. We\u2019re told things by the adults \u2014 and moreover, we figure things out ourselves. Between received guidance and our own constructions, we make sense of what is inexplicable to that point. For most of us, our early life is almost totally colored by learning \u2014 lessons, schoolwork, motor skills, reading \u2014 between our home lives, where lessons and making connections prevail, and our time spent in educational settings, where this is formalized. We become acquainted with the world in a million little ways. <em>When this happens, that happens.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">&#8220;We spend the early years of our lives learning beliefs and behaviors that allow us to navigate the world.&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>What comes to be our belief system is cemented during this period and starts to define how we approach people, understand what is possible, and even how we move and think. In tandem with this, we take up a place from which to speak. <em>Who am I? What role do I have in this world?<\/em> We find a comfortable place to take up relative to others. This is how we find ourselves later repeating familiar cycles. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, for instance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Limiting beliefs are precisely the kind of thing psychoanalysis goes after. \u201cThings never work out for me.\u201d \u201cMy thoughts aren\u2019t a valuable contribution; it\u2019s better if I stay quiet.\u201d \u201cI could never compete against others and win.\u201d Of course, these are conscious on some level. We repeat them in our private thoughts in so many permutations. On the other hand, they are unconscious insofar as they direct our behaviors without us ever really thinking about it. This is what can take so long to treat, and needs to be spoken in the context of the relationship between oneself and their therapist, in order to finally allow us to find a new place to take up in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-can-psychoanalytic-psychotherapy-help-us-release-and-forget\">How can psychoanalytic psychotherapy help us release and forget?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If the problem is we\u2019ve been told and shown things that have calcified our beliefs \u2014 will more directives, more advice, more <em>what\u2019s good and what\u2019s bad <\/em>help us escape this position? That\u2019s where the psychoanalytic process comes in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While some other modalities might focus on adopting a new belief, or changing your behavior, psychoanalysis asks for something that might seem besides the point. The fundamental rule of treatment is to say whatever comes to mind. This is the famous <a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoanalysis.org\/blog\/elements-of-psychoanalytic-technique\/free-association-therapy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>free association<\/em><\/a>, and it isn&#8217;t so easy. Usually, we come into treatment wanting to address our problems head-on, to come out of each session with an answer. Working through this and finding more freedom in your speech is all part of the process. It often isn&#8217;t until later, when you can allow yourself some room to not be in control of what you say, that the process truly takes hold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote has-text-align-center is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">&#8220;The process of speaking, hearing ourselves, and coming to terms with what it is that we\u2019re saying, is the quasi-mystical process of analysis.&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>The wager of psychoanalysis is that what grounds these beliefs is what I\u2019ve described above \u2014 and not only our childhood, but also other traumatic encounters for which we have to find a solution to keep on living. Beliefs are those things that keep us together, and make our lives make sense. They\u2019re important, and it isn\u2019t until they get <em>in the way <\/em>of our living that one comes seeking treatment. Once we start asking, <em>Must it always be this way?<\/em> Once this is the case, we have to begin to hear from ourselves why we have these beliefs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once we begin to speak, we start to unravel all sorts of things \u2014 minimize them, alter them, and even forget them. For psychoanalysis, being in the grip of a belief is an indication of repression. Repression is a substitute for forgetting. Instead of forgetting, we shove it aside where it is destined to come back again and again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote has-text-align-center is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">&#8220;Once we begin to speak, we start to unravel all sorts of things \u2014 minimize them, alter them, and even forget them.&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>There are a few lines from Jacques Lacan, an influential French psychoanalyst active from the 1950s\u201380s, that have become a maxim for those who practice in the wake of his theory. Much like my professor who I began with, Lacan rarely shares his own clinical material in his work. He also doesn\u2019t say many straightforward things about treatment. Much like the quote about forgetting, I&#8217;ve thought of it often to try to orient myself in my treatment. (Forgive the use of the male pronoun in the English translation here.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><em>\u201c[T]he subject begins by talking about himself, but he doesn\u2019t talk to you \u2014 then, he talks to you but he doesn\u2019t talk about himself \u2014 when he talks about himself, who will have noticeably changed in the interval, to you, we will have got to the end of the analysis.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:26px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>What I&#8217;ve learned from the practice of psychoanalysis is that it isn&#8217;t possible to simply overwrite the old with the new. Something more radical has to take place that involves hearing yourself and taking up a different position from which to speak. You don\u2019t have to be in a 3\u20134x a week treatment to experience something of this process. Even once a week psychotherapy with the right person can shift your position and change what you believe about yourself and the world. The hard work of adulthood is that of letting go and forgetting. \ud83c\udf42<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Ashley D\u2019Arcy<\/strong> <em>is the Senior Editor at The Good Trade. She holds an MA in Philosophy from The New School for Social Research and has contributed to esteemed outlets such as The Nation, 032c, and Yale School of Management\u2019s Insights where she\u2019s leveraged her expertise in making complex ideas accessible to a broad audience. In addition to her editorial work, she is training as a psychoanalytic mental health professional and provides care to patients in New York City. Ashley also explores sustainable fashion, clean beauty, and wellness trends, combining thoughtful cultural critiques with a commitment to mindful living.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Our editor discusses how we can learn to forget long-standing beliefs through speaking about it in psychotherapy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":225,"featured_media":66992,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":true,"ep_exclude_from_search":false,"_enable_custom_container":false,"_custom_container_max_width":"","_is_legacy_styles_disabled":false,"_is_thumbnail_disabled":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,323],"tags":[418,107,3,4,428,9],"class_list":["post-66991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-self","category-wellness","tag-mental-health","tag-mental-health-2-related-reading","tag-popular","tag-self","tag-thought-piece","tag-wellness"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.5 (Yoast SEO v26.5) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You Ready To Unlearn An Old Belief? 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